Eesh. Almost six months since I first created this blog. Needless to say, it was a difficult semester. While better than my first semester of teaching a 4/4, this one also had its trials and tribulations. I did not realize the growing pains that I would experience of going from being a graduate student teaching my own stand alone courses to a full-time adjunct instructor cycling through 300 first-year undergraduates and 3 TAs per semester.
I have tried all year to finish my dissertation. It was supposed to be done last August, and I have made very little headway on it this year. Very disturbing for me as two people on my committee have said that I will not finish because they have "seen the writing on the wall." Even though I categorically reject these words, I have felt like a complete loser and incapable of continuing in academia.
Something has changed though in the last few weeks. I have become hopeful again. Focused. Still a freak in the head when I am writing, but definitely feeling that I can do this and get my dissertation submitted this summer--even while I am teaching.
To that end, I have joined a writing group--http://dameeleanorhull.wordpress.com/. I have belonged to a group all year, yet the dynamics of it did not really sink in. I wanted, and needed, the accountability that it gave. Yet, I tended to bemoan my life and feel jealousy for those who actually achieved something. This summer, I am embracing the schedule and community.
I have also joined another group--http://what-was-i-doing.blogspot.com/. Jane B's group is helping me to prioritize my activities--moving house, teaching, writing, and even getting healthy. My overall goals for the summer are to really:
1) take care of myself physically and mentally. This comes down to embracing the fact that I am not a bad person--just a flawed one, like everyone else. If I am willing to generally accept others flaws, then I need to cut myself some slack.
2) reorganize my course so that I feel comfortable teaching it
3) stop procrastinating by becoming more confident in my ability to write and teach
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